New Things

I took new photographs of Stephanie two nights ago. I LOVE taking photographs... I know I keep saying how badly I want to go back to school, more and more I am leaning towards an MFA in dance or pedagogy... but theres that little piece inside of me that wants to go to photography school. In a perfect world (which I know is so far from true) there would be a school that would let me do both.



I currently have a new song that I cannot get out of my head. Well, its not "New" but being stuck in my head is new. Its "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam





I'm so in love with it. Thank you Pearl Jam.. you have probably been one of the most clutch bands in my 22 years of existence. No matter what I am going through or how happy or sad I am, you always have a song that speaks to me.


I've been writing a lot too, which is new. I have something inside me that is keeping me from being able to express myself through dance. I don't know what it is. I've always been the kind of person who could turn off the lights, turn on a song, and go. Lately it hasn't been that way. I feel stuck, like I am doing the same step over and over and over again, and then just stopping. So I've been writing. Whatever this thing is that is stuck in me I'm going to find a way to fuel it and get it out. My Good friend Fro will actually be around sometime next week to help me with this. Him and I sing together every time we are around each other and he actually started writing his own music. I told him how I've been writing and he wants to help me make some music. This is exciting... I've never written a song before, and I miss singing a lot. Maybe if we get something good I'll have it up here for you guys.

[Fro and I singing for our friends.]

Things with everything else are still the same. I want to know how things are going... but I am being patient, and being strong. Taking things in stride like an adult should. This is also new. I am trying to be mature about things, no matter how much it hurts because I care about him, and sometimes other things need to be put aside so that there is room to follow our dreams.

keep chasing your dreams sweet boy. Keep chasing the light that we once ran for together. At the end of the road you'll think you're alone... oh but baby, I know better <3

Day 6

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

1)My Maahhh Dukes- Obviously, she gave life.. she supported life, and she always forgives and forgets with her children so easily.. which is great because she gets mad at me a lot!

2)My Sister- A lot of people would think that it kinda stinks to have such a big gap in age with their sister. When I was younger.. it was true.. being five with a fifteen year old sister was tough... it was tough until I was about 17... but now she is one of my best friends, my mentor, and someone I really look up to. Plus, She gave me two awesome nieces and an adorable nephew.. I can't complain!

3) Steven- I'm so grateful to say that I still have my "original" best friend. From 3 years of age.. naps, baths, bike rides, stitches, family parties.. everything! It was fantastic growing up with another half. People always thought we were twins (aside from our brown hair honestly, I think we look very far from related!) because we have that weird bond that most of those dynamic duos have.

4) My MiMi- Otherwise known as gram. I have only had one grandparent for most of my life, and she has always been one of the strongest people I know. 80 years old and she still works her own garden, holds the insane Hyslip Christmas Eve at her house, always is sure to have candy and all 15 of her grandchildren's favorites of everything, and be strong enough to be able to support herself and raise a family herself for the last 14 years.

5) Alex- and everything that comes attached with him.. like his sister, and his roommates. He does more for me then I deserve and is always so kind and willing and sweet. He makes it a little easier to breathe when I freak out, makes me laugh when I call him crying, always makes sure I am safe, and always makes me feel welcome. I am seriously grateful for him. He's like one of those people that looking back you never really realized how you went about your day without them.

In other news: Yesterday was my oldest nieces birthday. Brittiana turned 7 yesterday.. SEVEN!! I can't believe it. I remember my Lynn-Marie and Pedro fighting over her name over dessert while all of us laughed like it was yesterday. I remember finding out it was a girl, being so excited and honored when I found out she was going to be named after me (and her Tia, Ana), the battle me and my brother had for her to say auntie or uncle first... and winning the battle. Gosh it seems crazy now.. she's gotten so old! [Winter and summer of 2008.. Tiana's only 4, and so tiny!]

I didn't buy her a present yet because she wants so much it just blows my mind. So at dinner yesterday I made a deal with her. After she finishes her homework I am taking her shopping today to pick out whatever she wants, then we are going to go out to dinner. I asked her where she wanted to go to dinner thinking I would get a usual second graders response of "FRIENDLYS! PIZZA! ANYWHERE WITH ICE CREAM!" What was I thinking? of course Tiana would not give me an answer like that. As soon as I told her the very first thing that came out of her mouth was "Long Horn Steakhouse.. and can we get the three sauce dipping chicken appetizer?" ....excuse me? Did you just turn 7, or 17?

[Fall of 2010, first day of 2ND grade!]

You Ever Wish About Impossible Things?

Have you ever just wished for really impossible things to have? Like, The ability to read peoples minds. That is one I wish I had, it would help me a LOT right now!!
I told myself I wanted to do something important this summer while I am home. That something is reconnect with some people who I've lost along the way while being so busy at school for the last few years. The other, to figure out some things with people who I haven't lost touch with during these crazy four years. The second one with someone in particular. Just.. AHHHH. I said to myself "I'm going to figure out his intensions, because I have known what I've wanted from him for four years." well.. as always, men are confusing little creatures.
I know I said I was going to start making my blog actually mean something... but I think this one is really important, because I think that it does have to do with my future.
What if you love someone... even if you aren't sure of what kind of love it is they have back for you, and that makes you scared to leave them? This is how I feel. I want to just kno

whats going on. If I'm heartbroken maybe boarding a plane and moving away to make a name of myself is a great idea. But what if thats not the case. What if he turned around and said "Britteny, I feel the same way." "Britteny, I have real feelings for you" "Britteny, I don't want you to leave me for that cruise ship job for seven months"
I mean lets be serious we are talking about me and my luck with the male population here... so I doubt any of that would be said. I'm just saying... what if I finally figured it out... we finally figured it out... and then two weeks later I was traveling for seven months to a year in the ocean, only to dock once every couple of weeks back home anywhere (depending on where I get to dock from) That makes everything so complicated.

Him and I talked a few mornings ago... It was the morning after my grad party and we were just sitting there and he said to me "you should just go. You have this degree and you should do something with it... just go somewhere with it. Go to Vegas! Go Somewhere!"
He believes in me... and thats amazing and great... but maybe I'm just not ready to go yet.