Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Falling Into Place

-Jennifer Anistan.

How true. I know I have been MIA the last couple of weeks... I've been slightly busy having things come together. It's strange how everything always just seems to happen at once. My life wasn't a complete mess (for once) but I feel as though the person I was two weeks ago just seem
s different than the person I am now. I'm more together, not worried, feeling like things are finally going my way. On the 8th something different happened. I finally through away that horrible shell I have had covering me from the male population. It's kind of weird how it happens. One minute I'm out by the fire with Fro singing songs with him as he played his guitar like we do every time we get together (we're the hired entertainment ;p ), the next minute I'm on the living room couch until 5 am talking about everything with Alex, wondering how it is I never got to know him sooner. We had been mutual friends for four years now. He went to Dean for a semester, but was part of the group of Ellington boys along with Nick and Hurley and Dan's (who I was very close friends with sophomore year) roommate for that semester and yet I never really knew him. He was just one of the guys at the yearly birthday and new years parties that I would say hey to and that was it. I'm glad I didn't put on my shell that I've had up the last year and a half... now here I am two weeks later and Alex has moved into his apartment just 40 minutes away in Mass and he's taking the train in Thursday to meet my parents.
The funny thing is that I didn't think I was going to have much in common with him, trust him, or find some sort of feelings for him. I knew who he was, I knew he hadn't had the best of reputations, I knew he was a trouble maker... I didn't know
that the Alex that I remember was grown up and doing everything in his power to change all the negative thoughts about him. I'm glad I have learned that. He is amazing, and a great cook! (which is great for me because my extent to cooking is pancakes!)

Just a week later I was packing up my things and braving a 14 hour trip to North Carolina. Hogan had finally come home from the longest eight months of my life. Its so weird having a best friend who you consider your hero. He's like my Batman, all marines are... The fact that they get up every morning with one goal, bring the rest of their squad home safe, is honorable enough. spending a whole week with one of my brothers hearing of how brave he had been, all that he had done, and all that he had to face out there was inspiring and scary. I can do nothing but be thankful he is home. It was like the biggest sigh of relief. I saw him and my heart didn't seem so heavy anymore. No more waiting for a phone call, or praying that I didn't get a phone call.No more switching the channel when the news comes on in fear of seeing another lost marine, nothing... just the fullness of knowing that he is home. Amazing... I am so thankful.

MY WORK IS STARTING TO COME TOGETHER AS WELL! ILL BE ABLE TO PAY MY BILLS! HOLLER HOLLER HOLLER!!! I am now the receptionist of Exstream Software Solutions. Its not the most fun or exciting job, but I know I am going to learn a lot, and it is a great hands on experience on how to run a business considering my boss is the co-founder of the company. He also told me I would be able to work on some of the projects once I am comfortable there, go and view live web casts, watch in the creation, possibly sit in on some meetings, just be able to take everything that I want in. He's a pretty cool boss, very understanding and very sweet.. I think I am actually going to enjoy the job.
I started working on the concert piece Fracture with the
Luminarium dance company. They are very new and I was very unsure of being a part of the company, but the trio I am a part of is great and I get to improv which is even better because it is one of my favorite things to do. I feel like my first rehearsal yesterday was a bit of a disaster with them... the weather was bad, it had been a long day, I was exhausted, and I really did not want to leave Alex's house (I honestly just wanted a nap!) but it was fun and it felt good to know that I am getting back into the swing of things and starting to dance again. Now if only I can start getting paid so I can get myself back into weekly ballet classes!!!

That may be it, I think! I feel like my life this summer was a bit of a mess. I had no job, I had no dance, and I was getting a little too independent for my own good. I'm ready to keep going now. I feel like I have things to look forward to. Its really weird to say but I'm
definitely starting to not just feel like a big kid, but an adult. GO ME!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

What a Love Hate Relationship

Yes shopping.. I am talking about you!!!

This post is almost a build off of my last one, Ode to Nike Awesome-ness!
I am going to North Carolina in about ten (TEN WOOOOOOO YAYAYAYAYAY) days and needed some vacation gear. I own 3 pairs of shorts, that's it. One denim (which were pants that became too short for me so I cut) 1 gray and 1 khaki. This needed to be changed!!! How was I suppose to go down south for 6 days and not have cute shorts??? so my mum and I went shopping. I LOVE shopping.. and I HATE shopping at the same time... I guess it goes back to the whole body image thing.

I know I am not large... I am 5'6 and 145lbs. Now according to most charts the ideal "Healthy" weight for this frame is 118(way too skinny!) to 155 pounds (which I weight at one point.. UGH!) but the "Ideal" weight is 130lbs. WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 15 POUNDS LESS THAN ME? YOU'RE JOKING!! NOW.. NOW I FEEL OVERWEIGHT!
and you no what.. I shouldn't... but I do... its that sick sick sick dancer stuck inside my head saying "you don't look like a ballerina, Britteny.. you can't lift your legs because they are too heavy for you.. go to the gym!" and then the happy person in me says to the ballerina.. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" but the ballerina always seems to win I guess... because today shopping I felt FAT!!
I hate shorts, I hate them so much! no matter what they just will never fit right on me!!! they are always loose in the back of the belt but tight on the sides (why do they think that if you're bigger you are larger from belly to back and not hip to hip... hi I have abs... but I also have hips.. I am female.. thanks!) they also are just so tight on my thighs, no matter what!! I am generally between a size 6 and a size 9 (big jump I know) depending on the store and how their clothes run... but today.. today I bought 11s... and I wanted to die. I got out of the mall upset and my mom didn't understand how bad I just wanted to go home, skip dinner, and go to the gym for 3 hours straight... but alas, I was hungry =/. So I took the dog for about a mile walk came home and ate dinner and thought about going to the gym, but it just doesn't seem worth it to get in my car and drive to Bridgewater at 7:30 when the gym closes at 9:00. So here I am, sitting.
I feel like I'm going to come home from North Carolina with a gazillion new photos from me, Elly, and Nicole.. and I don't want to look back at them and feel gross about how I looked.

gah. 10 days... 10 days- 2 days of cheer camp- 2 days in CT and 2 days working at dean = at least 6 days of the gym.. COME ON BRITT YOU CAN DO IT! I just need something to feel better about myself I guess.

I think I need to watch Penelope,(I recommend you watch it, asap!) Its one of my favorite movies, and it teaches a really good lesson on loving yourself.

Stop lying to yourself, idiot! You're Beautiful