Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sick of first cuts

This was a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnggg last two days!!
I went to the Celtics dancers audition on Saturday morning. I should have been at the second day of work for New Student Orientation at Dean but with permission I was able to follow my dreams of Celtic dancer-ness. What was I thinking I was so not ready for it?? SO not ready... physically not to the point I wanted to be (didn't run all week!) I had other things on my mind "I should be at school, working, I made a commitment to them... I hope my tire doesn't lose more air on the ride here... I didn't get to shower my hair is straight in my head shot and I have curly hair right now this is not okay!" sooo many things. I guess we could say I went in a little stressed out... but you know what, I think I did really good! We did an across the floor routine that was 4 counts of 8, did it in small groups and then did it in threes. During the learning period and the small groups I saw some of the judges watching me, I was so ready to perform for them, faces body language, eye contact with them.. I felt for sure I would be getting a wristband at the end of the line... and then I didn't. First round cut, again..... again again again.
It's not that I am terribly heartbroken over being cut. This is the life of a dancer; a lot of no's before there is a yes. BUT COME ON!!!! I would feel so much better if I could at least make it passed the first round. Being cut the first round makes you think a lot... am I really that bad?? You really don't like how I look?? Did you even care about my resume or head shot??
It really plays with your head.


So today I had a change of pace. No dance team, no ridiculous "GO TEAM" cutesie slutty audition outfits, no I have to have the perfect hair and the perfect smile and have to look just like everyone else, today was different. an open casting call, Come as you are, who you are, what you do.
Marcos Aguirre is an up and coming choreographer from Boston. He does a lot of jazz funk and hip hop, and is really big on being "ganky". HE IS FABULOUS! and the casting call.. WAS FABULOUS! I got in there, a little tired, a little stressed about possibly being late, and holey cow hot (thank you dance studios on the 3rd floor of old Boston buildings) but I was comfortable and felt like it was really right for me to be there. It was.
We did two combinations, a gank to "can't be tamed" by my girl miley, and a reggae hip hop to "pon de floor" which required 2 counts of 8 in freestyle afterwards. I feel like I did really well with both of them. I worked my ass off, and actually felt it. It was fun and so far from stressful, it was like... going to class for fun again. No matter how tired, hot, and sweaty I was I just had to keep pushing for it. I had to keep going, work harder. It felt amazing.
Afterwords Marcos spoke with us and told us that he has us all on file now. He has our numbers, emails, head shots, and now videos to start looking through. I am so nervous and anxious waiting to know what he thinks!!! Gaaaaaaaaahhh.
now what??

impatiently waiting to know if I'm gonna be famous one day....
"you'll sit alone forever, if you wait for the right time"

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Because I need to tell myself to stop and smell the roses.

Lately I feel like everything has been a complaint.. I was brought here as an intern to give my opinions, my thoughts, how to improve programs... everything I do is denied and shut down.... I am just another OL with a fancier name. I don't like how some things are going, I'm confused about other situations, and I feel like no matter how much I seem to be running, playing basketball, and going for 2 to 3 mile walks sometimes more than once a day... my body is just not getting to where I want it to be for a weekend of auditions this week. I've been miserable, naggy... why would anyone wanna be around that??
Then I read my dearly compassionate friend Alivia's blog. She listed all these simple things that she loves and then questioned us as readers to ask ourselves "What do you love? What's the first thing that comes to mind?"

Why havent I thought to do this when I've been so down this week?
theres so many things that I have been so happy about lately and I have only overpowered it with negativity and confusion about things, people, and situations. just thinking of the little things that make me happy, makes everything feel so much better.
I love the feeling of finishing a good book, which I did today... which I did outside because the weather was perfect to sit under a tree and just read.
I love my 5x7 picture of billy, mike, and luke. I hung it up above my computer desk.. it makes me laugh almost every morning, makes me laugh even more to think that I really hung it up in a room that I'm only spending a week in. They are some of my favorite parts of Dean.. and even though Billy's gone, and I'm technically gone, I have some of the best memories of working with them the last couple of years.
I love that I got to see my two nieces perform this weekend. Orientation has kept me from 3 years of recitals... They started dancing because they wanted to be like me, and I never got to support them and give them flowers and do their hair and makeup... when they have been in the front rows of ever single show I have been in in college cheering me on. It was such a great feeling to see them dance. I was so incredibly proud of them.

Yea I have had kind of a lapse in greatness and love and amazingness and magic in my life lately... we can't have that all the time I get it... but I am missing out on all the other wonderful things that have been surrounding me. I guess I just need some time to stop and smell the flowers...

Friday, June 11, 2010

Yea I really am this bored!!!

So I've been living in Mitchell house for 3 nights now alllll by myself! beautiful house and I love it, but my goodness am I bored... so I actually broke down and did one of these.. why not..

Do you think you could forgive someone for cheating on you?
I have. not to the point of ever dating again, but we are friends now.

How long have you been in your current relationship?

Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most in life?
naaahhh why would someone do that?

Do you trust people easily?
yeaa people say its one of my flaws. I didn't know trust was a flaw...

Do you currently have a lot of drama in your life?
I try to be as drama free as possible. unfortunately people who surround me do not help this just cause.

Who's the last person you kissed?

Is anyone in your family a criminal?
no, they are all boston policemen! haha

Are you currently stressed out about anything?
god when am I not? hahaha... tho I'm pretty chill right now.

Do you know anyone that's a stripper?
LMAO Chelsey Mello. well.. not yet...

Who was the last person you told to shut up?
probably mike... more likely luke..

Who do you miss the most right now?
Steven, Danny, and Prev... all three equally, but all for different reasons.

What was the last thing you lied to your mother about?
being home [in my dorm] when I wasnt haha oh well

Do you believe in giving second chances?
yeah, most of the time. Sometimes people just slip up doesnt mean they are horrible people

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
oh man no way!! I wouldnt stand for that crap

Is anyone angry with you at the moment?
I dont think so.

What's the last song you heard?
I've got to see you again- Norah Jones... oh itunes shuffle

Is there anyone in this world you would do absolutely anything for?
indubitably [thats such a good word!]

Do you like the color of your eyes?
sometimes. they are strange and they change so sometimes Im blue and sometimes im green and sometimes im this ugly blue with a yellow ring haha.

How are you feeling right now?
a little tired, but nit ready to sleep

Do you think anyone hates you?
I hope not!!

When you say you love someone, do you mean it?
Always... different types of love maybe, but I'm not one to sling the word around.

What's one thing you recently learned?
That no one ever has you back but yourself.

Are you going to have a baby by the time your 18?
considering Im 22... I'm gonna go with no.

Do you avoid certain people at school or work?
hahahaha more or less at certain friends gatherings at home.

Does anyone like you right now that you know of?
I dont know. I'd love to know tho.. stupid male population.

Would you ever fake your own death?
why? haha no

Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?
9th grade math teacher, mr barry, he was so cool and he always told stories about the awesome crazy things him and his dog would do, I wanted to go with them! haha

What would make your life complete right now?
getting a job doing what I love, knowing what the hell is going on with some kid haha.

Do people compliment you often?
how much would be often? I think it depends on the week haha

What's one thing you like about the person your thinking about right now?
He allwwaayyyss knows how to make me laugh, and usually does when I'm a crying mess.

Do you have any friends that are pregnant?
not that I know of, have some friends with babies though.

Is a broken heart as bad as it sounds?
yea it is... though the feeling when you realized you are healed is amazing.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?
does lazer hair removal count? if so then yes, yes, and yes!! [I hate body hair sooo bad]

Have you ever ran away from home?
I was like 9.. I made it around the block and then walked home hahaha

Would you ever kill someone?

Do you ever feel lonely?
a lot more than I should.

Have a lot of people betrayed you?
There are little moments when it happens. never anything major that would kill me... but really tends to piss me off.

Do you believe in God?

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I WISH!! I am a total case of heart on my sleeve.

Do you know anyone that looks up to you?
a couple of the freshman had told me that, Its crazy to think that too... me a role model! hahaha

Are there any people in your life that you wish you never met?
No, they help shape the person I am.

If you could get any tattoo, what would you get?
I already have one... but I do want another one.. something incorporating the boston B [or maybe sox?]and the breast cancer ribbon and the words Forever Faithful

Are you happy with the person you are?
Most of the time.

Do people think your a bad person?
no, Im the goodie-two-shoes.

Have you ever wanted to just run away and start over?
who hasnt?

Have you ever been punched?
for real? no... for fake.. like daily haha

How many people do you know that have been to jail?
I dont think I know any?

Do you love your best friend?
yessssss he's my most favoritist! family<3

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
yesss especially because I seem to have a thing for the complicated ones.

What's one sterotype you think you fit perfectly into?
I dont think I have one anymore..
in highschool I flipflopped between geek and jock.. strange ones to flip flop from I know.

Do you care about what's happening in other countries?
yes, especially when my friends are fighting in those other countries!

Do you get annoyed easily?
no, Im pretty patient with most things and people.

Do you consider yourself high maitenence?
Not at all!!!

Do you think you have a pretty good reputation?
yea I'd say so

Would you ever intentionally and physically hurt someone?

Would you rather play basketball with Michael Jordan, or soccer with David Beckham?
Basketball with Jordan!! maybe he can teach me how to not suck at it haha

What was your nickname in high school?

Why aren't you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love with?
He cheated on me the first long weekend of freshman year of college. Good job idiot.

What was your last text about?
Jess Pretty telling me she was getting here nice and early! =)

Who was it from?

What are you listening to?
Itunes, currently some paramore!

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
nopers =(

What is the background on your phone?
My decorated grad cap.

How about your computer?
the celtics dancers... MOTIVATION!

Is there someone of the opposite sex that means alot to you?
yessssssssssss too bad he doesnt know it haha. stupid boys.

Ever been called a bitch?
ohh ya haha

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Yes, my best friend is obsessed with them! haha

How long could you go without cursing?:
depends. I can usually control myself pretty well.

Did anything annoy you today?
my friends sucking.

Have you consumed alcohol in the past 24 hours?:
nurrp. a glass of wine would be stellar right now tho.

Will you be up before 7 AM tomorrow?
I hope not!

Who is the last person you were in a car with?
well. it was a dean van.. with mike, luke, jen, and $800 worth of groceries haha

What were you doing at 8am this morning?
pushing the snooz button on my phone.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
talking to sarah.

In the past week, have you cried?
toooniiiigghhhtttttt jhaha.

How often do you straighten your hair?
not very often. though sometimes I get into a random week where Iwill actually do my hair like everyday.yea it generally only lasts a week.. Im such a guy haha

Who is in your inbox?
mike, pretty, hurley, curley, jac, lynn, and steven

What are you currently looking forward to?
people finally moving into this house with me!

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day?
I hope so, tho there is going to be a lot of driving involved!

What are you going to do?
driving to yarmouth, katies grad party, driving to brockton, ryans engagement party, and either sleeping there and waking super early or leaving tomorrow night and driving back to dean.

Have you dated the person you texted last?
no... I dont date girls lol

Are you satisfied with your life as of now?
Is it bad if I say no? theres so much I want that I just havent achieved yet.

Have you hurt anyones feelings within the past three days?
dont think so.

What do you carry with you at all times?
my keys[with wallet attached]

What is the last place you were besides your house?

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
mike, we were complaining about the meeting we didnt want to go to the next morning. we alllll make sacrifices michael! hahaha

Did you feel awkward at all today?
at lunch I ate with all the guys... and they were talking all this college sports stuff... I havent had time for espn lately I am clearly very lost. I just ate my sub and tried to figure out whats going on.

In the next 6 months, what are you looking forward to most ?
good tans, good auditions, more time with my three favorite boys, finally seeing my nieces' dance recital, playing with baby Lucas, finding a good job[fingers crossed right?]

Are you planning on seeing any movies in theater soon?
... eclipse.... I know... I know... but we always do it...

Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy?
I do that a lot when I care about people.

Is there someone who can ALWAYS make you smile?
yessssssss silly fatrich<3

Have you fallen apart before?
the day I perminantly moved home from dean.. sat on my bed and lost it [and whatta know Im currently laying in a dean room.... go figure]

If you had the chance to travel back in time, would you?
like to fix things in my life, or to just see cool shit? to see cool shit, most def! I wanna see dinos and ancient buildings and beautiful people.

What's on your mind?
nothing of much importance.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
like 1230? I was attempting to sleep, till mike texted complainging about work haha. weird when you are so tired that the body just doesnt seem to even want to shut down and let you sleep.

Is there anything you want to tell someone but you can't?
Hi, I've liked you since we were 19... stupid i know... lets get a pizza and watch the sox? okay great.

Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts?
yessss. I mean I dont pay for texting anymore.. but when I did getting a k back would really grind my geers

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
my new nephew Lucas =)

Do you miss the way things used to be?
I miss low gas prices... thats about it haha

You're extremely quiet, what’s it mean?
different things. sometimes I just like not talking [hard to believe]

Have you ever had to spend the night at a hospital?
yes, but when I was a lot younger.

Are you currently trying to get over someone?

Who were you with the last time you went out for food?
Roose, Dennis, Shannon, Leanne, Sawyer, MikeyG, and Matt

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone's shoulder?
yesss and I love doing that, Im such a snuggler! haha

What is in your purse?
I dont carry those... at least not very often.

Are you currently logged into Facebook?
haha obviiiiii lmao

Have you stayed up past 3 AM in the past week?
possibly.. tho the weeks seem to be blending together, so we cant be all too sure.

How many blankets are currently in your bedroom?
well seeing as Im at school... 2. well.. 2 1/4... I'm currently working on a new one.

Do you make your smiley faces backwards? Like this (:
No I hate that...

Would you rather get rid of autumn or spring?
Autumn... it means snow is coming.

Would you date people who are younger than you?
I have only dated 1 kid older than me, though Im usually only a few months older than them.

How about older?

Have you ever spilled nail polish everywhere?
hahaha yes at my lake cottage.

What's the most you've ever read in a day?
a whole book? idk how long that really is

Are you single?

Kiss on the neck or kiss on the cheek?
oooooooo oh man. neck.

Someone tells you you're beautiful, what do you say?
someone I know I say thanks, someone whose cute... big smile hahaha

Monday, June 7, 2010

sometimes I write...

...because I am horrible at talking to people. I just never say what I want to say when the time is right. Oh, but with a pen, with a pen I am a lethal weapon. So today when writing my thank you cards I kinda threw it out there. I couldn't help it!!

okay well that just makes it sound like I said something bad doesn't it? Maybe I should back track.

A few weeks ago, the morning after my grad party, I had a talk with someone who is really important to me. He was telling me how great it was for me to have a degree and now I should just go and do something with it. He also said something along the lines of him not having his. He never finished school... which is why we go into this post...

so tonight I wrote to him. We never really have serious talks. In fact that Sunday morning was the most serious talk we have ever had. He's the one I count on to make me smile or laugh and do something absolutely ridiculous with.. so I was slightly caught off guard, maybe not ready to say everything I wanted to say about the subject (especially because it 5 am, wheres my head around then huh?)
Tonight, I finally did. Well, at least on this subject (because believe me there are other subjects that I could and probably should get into with him) Tonight I told him.. Fuck it. So what? some people go to college at 18, some people go to college at 50. Yes I have this degree and I kind of know what I want to do with my life, but am I 100% sure I know what I want to be when I grow up? I know my field... but that's about it. And hey, I may even change my mind five years from now. What matters most is that you're happy and in time you will find your way. Maybe you know what you love and you just don't know how to achieve it yet, or maybe you just don't know what it is you really truly love (well, in an employment relationship I suppose)
Who says you have to know what you want to do with the rest of your life at 18? Why should you have to know?
I flat out told him.. he's 21, he's smart, talented, pretty damn fly, and when the time is right he'll know. He'll do big things one day. When he's ready.

After finishing, closing the card and stuffing it in the envelop I felt this weird sensation of just feeling better. Things I could not say for stupid reasons I can write and just let people know.

We'll both do big things one day ♥

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Until Next Time, Disney

Well if that didn't give it away...
My first NYC audition turns out to be a bust. I did HORRIBLE!!!!!!
okay okay maybe not that horrible but still not as good as I could have. I just wasn't feeling this one. I guess I was preparing myself for a slightly different thing. I was thinking more musical theatre I'm gonna be able to do what I do best. Walked in and we did 4 counts of 8 to Black Betty. 4 EASY counts of 8 to be more specific. The hardest part was the double turn at the end and we had prep six turn seven land 8. Dude how did I bomb this one? well.. I did hahaha. Being thrown off by what style it ended up being I kinda lost feeling for it... tried to get into it but I wasn't and of course, messed up the choreography (probably the ugliest hitch kick I've ever done) and was cut after the first hour of the audition.
A few of my friends who came along with me looked really disappointed in themselves after getting cut along with me. I couldn't get myself to feel that way. for 1 I knew I did pretty bad and 2 that was my first audition aside from patriots (which I thought was a bit of a joke) I would never expect to get a job the first audition I go to. I know it needs work, and time, I've gotta figure out my comfort zone and my happy place in an audition room outside of Dean.
As of right now the next audition I have is with The Boston Celtics dance team! =)
I'd like to get one or two more in before that, seeing how that's at the end of the month. If anyone happens to know of any auditions for pretty much anything anywhere in the New England area, drop me a line!!! =)

Until your next posted audition Disney... so long