Wednesday, August 4, 2010

What a Love Hate Relationship

Yes shopping.. I am talking about you!!!

This post is almost a build off of my last one, Ode to Nike Awesome-ness!
I am going to North Carolina in about ten (TEN WOOOOOOO YAYAYAYAYAY) days and needed some vacation gear. I own 3 pairs of shorts, that's it. One denim (which were pants that became too short for me so I cut) 1 gray and 1 khaki. This needed to be changed!!! How was I suppose to go down south for 6 days and not have cute shorts??? so my mum and I went shopping. I LOVE shopping.. and I HATE shopping at the same time... I guess it goes back to the whole body image thing.

I know I am not large... I am 5'6 and 145lbs. Now according to most charts the ideal "Healthy" weight for this frame is 118(way too skinny!) to 155 pounds (which I weight at one point.. UGH!) but the "Ideal" weight is 130lbs. WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 15 POUNDS LESS THAN ME? YOU'RE JOKING!! NOW.. NOW I FEEL OVERWEIGHT!
and you no what.. I shouldn't... but I do... its that sick sick sick dancer stuck inside my head saying "you don't look like a ballerina, Britteny.. you can't lift your legs because they are too heavy for you.. go to the gym!" and then the happy person in me says to the ballerina.. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" but the ballerina always seems to win I guess... because today shopping I felt FAT!!
I hate shorts, I hate them so much! no matter what they just will never fit right on me!!! they are always loose in the back of the belt but tight on the sides (why do they think that if you're bigger you are larger from belly to back and not hip to hip... hi I have abs... but I also have hips.. I am female.. thanks!) they also are just so tight on my thighs, no matter what!! I am generally between a size 6 and a size 9 (big jump I know) depending on the store and how their clothes run... but today.. today I bought 11s... and I wanted to die. I got out of the mall upset and my mom didn't understand how bad I just wanted to go home, skip dinner, and go to the gym for 3 hours straight... but alas, I was hungry =/. So I took the dog for about a mile walk came home and ate dinner and thought about going to the gym, but it just doesn't seem worth it to get in my car and drive to Bridgewater at 7:30 when the gym closes at 9:00. So here I am, sitting.
I feel like I'm going to come home from North Carolina with a gazillion new photos from me, Elly, and Nicole.. and I don't want to look back at them and feel gross about how I looked.

gah. 10 days... 10 days- 2 days of cheer camp- 2 days in CT and 2 days working at dean = at least 6 days of the gym.. COME ON BRITT YOU CAN DO IT! I just need something to feel better about myself I guess.

I think I need to watch Penelope,(I recommend you watch it, asap!) Its one of my favorite movies, and it teaches a really good lesson on loving yourself.

Stop lying to yourself, idiot! You're Beautiful

1 comment:

  1. brit. . . you're beautiful and healthy and your body is strong, flexible, and a powerful medium for artistic expression.

    never hate any part of you, because you're too wonderful and beautiful of a person to internalize societal stupidity.