Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sometimes your home is not a house..

Have you ever had a class where you did not have assigned seating, but you still sat in the same seat every single class??? And if someone decided to change it up It was the end of the world weird and uncomfortable?
I have been battling with this stigma of trying to find my home most of the summer and it comes up in my thoughts every once in a while to this day.. Since I went to college my parents' house lost the flair of "home". To me it became my parents' home, and the fact that I only spent about a fourth of the year there, it was just a place I stayed in between. After graduating Dean started to lose its feeling of home. Lots of things were changing, people who were close to me were leaving, I had gone from one of the most well known faces on campus to just another stranger walking through the hallways when I visit.
Today I was reminded where my home is.
Four rows back
first on the left
Laura hanging out on the other side

My Ballet Barre.

Laura and I were barre partners my junior and senior year so when I talked about visiting to take some classes and she told me that she didn't have a barre partner I was excited.
I walked in put on my slippers and legwarmers and there it was... Laura setting up the barre... four rows back, first one on the left.
As Jill took attendance she looked over at me after finding Laura and said "You found your way right back to where you belong"
and she was right.

maybe... maybe not that specific. Maybe I don't have to be in the MPR at the barre four rows back and first to the left... but in a studio that's warmly lit, full of ballet barres and people who love to dance, sweating gallons at a time and walking out feeling sore. Knowing I worked myself and I wanted more. knowing I wanted to give Everything.

Jill used to teach us in pedagogy that fifth position was home. I always just thought she meant it was the easiest place to have stability and the proper carriage of the body...


  1. me too, I tend to sit on the same spot each time :) i guess that's being territorial :)

  2. Beautiful, Britt! I need to go! I can only go on Fridays, though....oooof and I should go tomorrow. Any way you want to join? ;)

  3. This just totally brought tears to my eyes, brit! "home" is something i;ve always had a hard time with. growing up with abuse, your parents house/childhood house doesn't feel like "home." your dorm doesn't really either. . . you have to leave it and it changes every 9 mos. but at the ballet barre, in that first position, thats always there. always home!

    thanks for saying it so beautifully.