a rush of feelings for my best friends causes me to ramble at 3am.

tonight was bad.
tonight was good, but it was bad.
I don't even know but its so hard to explain!!!

I think its just the aggrivation of missing things.
I miss my job... I miss having a job mostly... but working with billy, mike, and luke made me love what I do.. I dont think I would have applied to the 20 or 30 Mass colleges that I have this summer to work at if I never experienced working with them.
I miss living with my best friend. Seeing Steph today was amazing.. but its the first time we've even seen each other in a month. She's been my best friend since I was 11 and I havent seen her in a month.. and neither of us even know why.

I MISS MY ROOMMATE!!! and I know swilz will prolly get to reading this eventually... but I really really do miss you Sam. It's so weird how I never appreciated some of the simple things that we took for granted... like late at night when something was bothering me before we went to sleep I could just roll over and talk to you about it. Or the fact that you would get angry when the redsox beat the yanks, or when you would get snooty when the yanks won... but seriously I just read her blog from today and Im still crying because everything she misses about home is the most of the things I miss about her.. like when she would be so hungover it would take her an entire day to eat one piece of toast... and she really would take the day to eat it, no matter how soggy it got!
I miss Chelsey, and being ridiculous with her. If she was on the library deck and she saw you across gomez way coming out of the science building you knew you were gonna get a "OH HAYYY GIRLLLL!!" loud enough for everyone to hear... or her pulling down her pants to show her leotard and be living the "thug life" like the football team... or when she would speak spanish to dr reno and tell jill she was going to be a stripper. I hate that she's moving to vegas.

I'm so proud of my friends, especially sam and chels. They got out, they are doing something great and I am SO SO SO SO proud of them... but they are also my two best friends... from the first weds of honors english class 4 years ago... to playing warthog, hearing about sams hatred for tony and his stupid guitar, chola girls, stephanies squirrel boots... sam fitting in the dryer, or her reciting every line of ever snl scene done by either will ferell or justin timberlake. I miss my puppy vegas, and chelsey's really bad addiction to coffee.

Its funny the lesson I've learned lately. See a boyfriend from my past talked to me tonight and while some of it was fighting and making amends of things that may have happened, it was him who reminded me of something pretty damn important. People will always be in your life... if you love them, and if you acknowledge that to them. Maybe I dont tell sam, chels, and steph this often.. but I really really do love them and appreciate everything they have done. Even just the simple fact that they have stood by me as my sisters. Tonight, I really wish I had them and it was hard. I guess a part of growing up.. sometimes you have to get through it on your own, or wait till the opportunity to console with them later. Its the simple fact that growing up sometimes means growing apart.. not always in ties, or in the heart.. just sometimes in distance. I hope the distance never changes the bonds and ties we hold to each other now.