ok so I fail at doing this ten days in a row.. but its okay.. I'm still getting it done!
7 things that cross my mind a lot.
1- I SHOULD REALLY GO TO THE GYM! (I say this to myself like every five minutes)
2- not living at home.
3-a real dance job, with a paying company
4-choreography, what am I going to do, I should work on some things
5-music... I need to find more.. I need some for my classes.. I need some for my classes thats not going to drive me up a wall
6-If I'm really ready to teach younger kids
7-Alex.. of course.. I don't get to talk to him much during the week anymore.. I wonder a lot what he is doing while I'm running around like a mad woman.
In other news.. The weekend was great! I got to go to Dean and see some old friends and celebrate Laura's 22nd! Had some drinks, caught up with everyone... oh.. AND BROUGHT BACK THE BANANA SUIT! Saturday was my cheer squads first game! Alexa and I were super nervous about it.. and three of the girls ended up there only 15 minutes before game time when they were suppose to be there an hour before game time.. which freaked us out a bit! It all worked out in the end.. they did great! I have pictures and a video but I'm at work right now (shhhh I'm totally working hard!) so I'll have to post them a little later! afterwards I got to meet with Nailah and Jean oh oh oh and Miss Alivia for a Janbe event! I am going to be blogging more about it later so you all get to know about it... but it was really awesome seeing everyone! We have a lot of work for this next fund raiser.. but I think its going to work out awesome.
Sunday.. Sunday was football.. football.. football.. oh.. and more football with Alex! I mean... what else would you have done??
Hope everyone else had a great weekend! =)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
wow.. 8 ways to win my heart? I wonder if I can think of 8.
1. Marylou's Coffee. I know.. I had to... but its the truth! You show up with a cup of iced girl scout cookie and I'd probably love you forever.
2. Sharing your creativity. I like creative souls... because I have one. I believe that everyone has some sort of talent and they should be comfortable enough to share it with the people they love.
3. writing me letters. I write and hide little notes all the time. I generally just like to write. I feel like I can say what I really want when I have a pen in my hand. I want so badly to have one in return. I've never gotten a love letter myself (strange how that works... isn't the boy suppose to write to the girl anyway?)
4. Being appreciative of the little things. I like to do things for people.. not like go out and save the world things... but little things. I like to get you a second cup of coffee without you asking, or make the bed you let me sleep in. I do like it when I get a little love back.
5. Holding my hand in public. I know.. so simple right? I like knowing that someone wants to be seen as being with me.
6. Liking the fact that I am a tomboy. I like it when I get a turn to play the video games.. or get invited to watch the football game at the bar. I understand mantime is needed.. I'm all about the bromances and the mandates.. but I like sports, games, action movies and so on, and I'd like to share that with you.
7. watching movies with me. I really like to just snuggle up and watch movies. A perfect rainy day would consist of snuggling on the couch together under a blanket with a good movie.
8. Slow Dance with me. I don't care how bad you are or how much you lack rhythm.. but I wanna dance with you... plain and simple.
1. Marylou's Coffee. I know.. I had to... but its the truth! You show up with a cup of iced girl scout cookie and I'd probably love you forever.
2. Sharing your creativity. I like creative souls... because I have one. I believe that everyone has some sort of talent and they should be comfortable enough to share it with the people they love.
3. writing me letters. I write and hide little notes all the time. I generally just like to write. I feel like I can say what I really want when I have a pen in my hand. I want so badly to have one in return. I've never gotten a love letter myself (strange how that works... isn't the boy suppose to write to the girl anyway?)
4. Being appreciative of the little things. I like to do things for people.. not like go out and save the world things... but little things. I like to get you a second cup of coffee without you asking, or make the bed you let me sleep in. I do like it when I get a little love back.
5. Holding my hand in public. I know.. so simple right? I like knowing that someone wants to be seen as being with me.
6. Liking the fact that I am a tomboy. I like it when I get a turn to play the video games.. or get invited to watch the football game at the bar. I understand mantime is needed.. I'm all about the bromances and the mandates.. but I like sports, games, action movies and so on, and I'd like to share that with you.
7. watching movies with me. I really like to just snuggle up and watch movies. A perfect rainy day would consist of snuggling on the couch together under a blanket with a good movie.
8. Slow Dance with me. I don't care how bad you are or how much you lack rhythm.. but I wanna dance with you... plain and simple.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
I feel like this one is hard... I don't want to scare you all away.. but I don't want to give you really lame things like "my favorite color is orange" .. lets be serious who doesn't know that?
1. I had the same dog for 16 years and he was my very best friend. We were like Doug and Porkchop. I was by myself for most of my childhood, but I always had him. 3 years later and I still miss him, think I hear him barking at a car, smell him in the spot of my floor where he slept every night when my rug gets wet... I don't think I would be as loving a person I am if I didn't have that dog to love as much as I did and still do.
2. I lose everything!! and I really don't understand how it happens. I am fairly organized. I like the comfort of knowing that everything has a place (yes I know sometimes my stuff looks like its everywhere and gets crazy.. sometimes when I'm really busy and crazy in and out it turns into a lot of drop and go) but I can't seem to hold on to the simplest things. I am always losing and finding (and sometimes not finding =/) things.
3.I never give myself enough credit. I guess its the dancer in me but I always feel like I could try a little harder, do a little more, always room for improvement... I never seem to know when enough is good enough.
4. I really want to design and have my own home built one day. I know it is something that is in my wildest dreams.. but I would love it if I could have a space built the way I want it, as well as a fresh slate to just decorate it the way I envision it.. as apposed to the "well I guess we can work with this space." hm.. maybe one day.
5. My favorite flowers are Gerber Daisies. They make me happy.. extremely happy. I really love getting flowers. I know most people think they are lame because you spend money on them and then they die.. but I love them so much!!! Gerber Daisies just come in fantastic colors.. like bright orange =)
6. I can't decide what I want to do with my degree. Again.. I am overly ambitious. I love everything. I want to perform with this group and this company and in this show, I want to be a permanent fixture in a company, I want to own a company, .. I want to teach at a studio, I want to travel and teach master classes, I want to go back to school for dance, I want to go back to school for something else... I just want it all... it is a problem!
7. my favorite thing to do on a rainy day is to snuggle on the couch all day with a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate and watch movies. In general I just love snuggling, watching movies, and coffee... When there is an excuse to do all three at once, life is good.
8. I really like old things. I like to look at old photographs, I think clothing that has more of a vintage style fits better to my body type (were all the women in the 60's big bottomed? if so.. thanks for being that way!) I think retro furniture is really cool.. and I love vinyls as opposed to having a cd... well.. okay.. I like both.. but there is something about playing Jimi Hendrix on a vinyl that just sounds so much better than him being digital.
9. I wish my wallet allowed me to be more fashion forward. I like to be trendy.. I have many intentions to be very stylish.. my bank account doesn't agree. I've always said if I won the lottery the second thing I would do with the money (the first being pay off school) would be to get rid of at least 2/3rds of my clothes and start over again. It would be hard being as I do have a hard time parting with clothing but If I got the opportunity to spend a good 3+ grand on new clothes.. I think I can very easily bag up a good 4 bags for the good will!
1. I had the same dog for 16 years and he was my very best friend. We were like Doug and Porkchop. I was by myself for most of my childhood, but I always had him. 3 years later and I still miss him, think I hear him barking at a car, smell him in the spot of my floor where he slept every night when my rug gets wet... I don't think I would be as loving a person I am if I didn't have that dog to love as much as I did and still do.
2. I lose everything!! and I really don't understand how it happens. I am fairly organized. I like the comfort of knowing that everything has a place (yes I know sometimes my stuff looks like its everywhere and gets crazy.. sometimes when I'm really busy and crazy in and out it turns into a lot of drop and go) but I can't seem to hold on to the simplest things. I am always losing and finding (and sometimes not finding =/) things.
3.I never give myself enough credit. I guess its the dancer in me but I always feel like I could try a little harder, do a little more, always room for improvement... I never seem to know when enough is good enough.
4. I really want to design and have my own home built one day. I know it is something that is in my wildest dreams.. but I would love it if I could have a space built the way I want it, as well as a fresh slate to just decorate it the way I envision it.. as apposed to the "well I guess we can work with this space." hm.. maybe one day.
5. My favorite flowers are Gerber Daisies. They make me happy.. extremely happy. I really love getting flowers. I know most people think they are lame because you spend money on them and then they die.. but I love them so much!!! Gerber Daisies just come in fantastic colors.. like bright orange =)
6. I can't decide what I want to do with my degree. Again.. I am overly ambitious. I love everything. I want to perform with this group and this company and in this show, I want to be a permanent fixture in a company, I want to own a company, .. I want to teach at a studio, I want to travel and teach master classes, I want to go back to school for dance, I want to go back to school for something else... I just want it all... it is a problem!
7. my favorite thing to do on a rainy day is to snuggle on the couch all day with a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate and watch movies. In general I just love snuggling, watching movies, and coffee... When there is an excuse to do all three at once, life is good.
8. I really like old things. I like to look at old photographs, I think clothing that has more of a vintage style fits better to my body type (were all the women in the 60's big bottomed? if so.. thanks for being that way!) I think retro furniture is really cool.. and I love vinyls as opposed to having a cd... well.. okay.. I like both.. but there is something about playing Jimi Hendrix on a vinyl that just sounds so much better than him being digital.
9. I wish my wallet allowed me to be more fashion forward. I like to be trendy.. I have many intentions to be very stylish.. my bank account doesn't agree. I've always said if I won the lottery the second thing I would do with the money (the first being pay off school) would be to get rid of at least 2/3rds of my clothes and start over again. It would be hard being as I do have a hard time parting with clothing but If I got the opportunity to spend a good 3+ grand on new clothes.. I think I can very easily bag up a good 4 bags for the good will!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Sure.. I'll do it! DAY ONE
Ten days straight of blogging.. each with a different topic.. a list if you will! =)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.
DAY ONE- ten things to say to ten people...
1)Samantha- I know we say it every day... but I really do miss you. Its funny how everyone always says "you meet your best friend in college" because I already thought I had that going to school with Stephanie... it took you leaving to realize how much you impacted me. You are a sister, a best friend, an amazing cake maker, and a fantastic roommate... I cannot wait to have you back in my life!
2)Stephanie- stop living in Bridgewater! It gets hard having my best friend be 20 minutes away instead of just a bike ride. I still can't believe we have been best friends for 11 years now. I love that I can tell you absolutely anything and you would never judge, you would never think less of me.. you just accept me as I do for you. I don't know what I would do without you.. you're seriously a lifeline, its been so weird/awkward/uncomfortable not waking up to my best friend every day.
3) Alex- Thank you.. thank you thank you thank you. Half the time I don't even know what to thank you for.. but I want to thank you.. for making me laugh when I want to cry.. for being really good at sharing the blankets... for holding my hand... for playing your guitar for me... for always walking on the outside of the sidewalk because you want me to be safe... for cooking... for all the coffee... for laughing at me... for letting me keep a toothbrush at yourr place cuz I know I'd forget to bring mine or leave it at your place... for being so appreciative of all the little things... for taking me for the weird never-put-together awful lucked word maker upper type person I am, accepting it, and liking me anyways.
4)Mom- Thank you for being accepting to the fact that I am an adult now, but still be willing to be there when I slip up.
5)Alivia- I can't say how excited I am that you are coming to live in Mass. I've been so sad that everyone has gone their separate ways and after a summer full of reading each others blogs, tweeting each other, and prolly creeping each other on facebook it will be REALLY NICE to finally sit down to a glass of wine and catch up on all the madness that is our lives! It's a nice feeling to have friends coming close =)
6)Steven- I miss being 5 with you... I miss it being you, me, and Josh hanging around, climbing trees, breaking bones, breaking dolls, riding bikes and making epic hot wheels tracks. I love that you are my best friend, and I love you... you give me that sense of security that home isn't where you live but who you're with.
7) Jill Silverman- I know you will NEVER read this... but I owe you so much. I was a lost foolish kid who had this insane dream to be a dancer when I grew up and you worked me.. made me cry, made my body sore and broken, made me sweat, made me hate you, made me fear you, and made me the most thankful person to be able to take this age old tradition of pink tights and tutus and turn it into something beautiful and true and to love what I do even more. I never touch a barre without thinking about you or wishing that I was in your class sweating, laughing, and being yelled at from across the room because you have eyes in the back of your head. Thank you for the 13 things, thank you for believing in me, thank you for breathing this new life in me to want to unfold and teach to others.
8) Sarah- I miss creating with you. I miss laughing and crying and sharing every detail of our lives. I think it is strange that people say your soul mate is the person that you are suppose to marry and spend their entire life with.. why not your best friend? I think.. you are my friend soul mate... we get each other, we trust each other, we understand what each other are trying to think to say or how we are trying to move... idk.. you get it.. you get me.. and that's a really hard thing to get.. I really appreciate it.
9) Danny and Prev... (yep you count as one) I miss you guys... I miss the old crew. I understand the whole "we get older and we all fall in love" and I know that causes us to separate... but some of the best moments of my life come from the summers I have spent with you... driving hanging out the windows of cars, going to walmart at midnight just to sit in the chairs isle and have a meeting, the constant trips to 7/11. Monthly breakfast dates, doing whatever it takes to dry my tears. You two have always been in such a special place in my heart... you make me feel alive, young, and free when I feel so old and broken.
10) Tyler- Listen kid... I know you're just my boyfriend's roommate... and I know we don't talk too much aside from the whole joking around and taking shit about each other.. but you're good people, a good soul. I know you always want to go to talk to Alex about things when he's not around... but if you need anything and he's not there.. I always am. You open up your home for me and you'll skype me just so Alex can say hi, and you're really cool about everything the least I can do is be a good ear and a good friend. I hope you like the strawberry cheesecake.. I tried my hardest!
Thats it until tomorrow night =)
why is the long weekend over? back to the grind! happy work week all!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I'm Sorry I've Been Slacking!!
I know.. what is wrong with me? I love my blog, I do!!!! I usually find so many interesting things to write about from photographs and movies and just things that bother me. The journey of my life as a "Struggling Artist" and how sometimes I really feel like I'm not good enough to be a professional though I've got potential... how much I love class... how much I miss class... how much I want to go to grad school... but lately.. there is nothing..
The last few days I have been sick, so I'm sure that has been a large part of my mental block.. but I think right now, I feel stuck.
I had this amazing opportunity to work with the WRUSH Crew a few months ago, due to my schedule this summer I was unable to rehearse with them and now I feel like I may have lost my chance. I want to work with Marcos, he is so talented.
Now I have a guest spot with Luminarium. They are a new small company.. New and Small and I can't get a permanent fix with them... I am a guest performer. It will be great on a resume and I am really excited to perform in October.. but my goodness I want to be in a working company.. HELP!!!!!
[stress stress stress stress]
Tomorrow I have a meeting with Dance Works to go over the fall class schedule. I am ill prepared. It's been so long since I taught a class... I feel like I don't have the right music, that I am not going to be good... failing as a teacher is a big deal when you are working to create the artists of tomorrow!!!! I'm so nervous.. I am SO NERVOUS!!!!
I need binders, and separators, and notebook paper,(I thought I was done with buying school supplies?) and blank cds, and a new ipod because I cannot select music because of my dumb button and so can't use it for class and it doesn't hold all my music (come on its only 2,314 songs!!!) and I am going to have more music to download to use for classes and recitals and other shows and OH I DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY FOR ANY OF IT!!!! (thank you to exstream solutions for not giving me a paycheck yet... no big deal I don't only have $20 in my bank account)
okay okay maybe we should get into some positives??
ALEX GOT A JOB AT TEMPO!!! It's this little bistro on Moody Street in Waltham and I think you all should go, especially on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday because he will more than most likely be working!
He had a test run yesterday to see if he would get the job and he was nervous (he smoked a whole pack of cigarettes before 3:30.. yuck!) but he did great. I knew he would... he just never believes me... silly boyfriend!
The only downer is that now he is not going to have much free time anymore. I work weekdays until about five now a days and he'll be going to school Monday through Thursdays so we pretty much had the weekends to spend together.. now we will have small portions of the weekends to spend together.
I shouldn't complain about it, some relationships have to go very long periods of time in between seeing each other. I am blessed to only have to go 5 days in between sightings but he makes me feel so at ease and comfortable that it is one of the biggest gifts ever to just see him after a long 5 days. Good thing I like(love!!) his roommates.. the three of us will be spending more time together on weekends now!
anything else new in my life? No, I don't think so.. my car still needs new tires I cannot afford, I still drink coffee like its crack, and I'm still searching for my dream dancing job.
Speaking of.. September 10Th is the auditions for the Radio City Rockette Christmas Spectacular. Why don't I live in New York again??? All the auditions I want to go to are there... but man I love Boston way too much. I think I would have separation anxiety.
[Plymouth studios please hurry up so I do not have to move away from my beautiful home!]
The last few days I have been sick, so I'm sure that has been a large part of my mental block.. but I think right now, I feel stuck.
I had this amazing opportunity to work with the WRUSH Crew a few months ago, due to my schedule this summer I was unable to rehearse with them and now I feel like I may have lost my chance. I want to work with Marcos, he is so talented.
Now I have a guest spot with Luminarium. They are a new small company.. New and Small and I can't get a permanent fix with them... I am a guest performer. It will be great on a resume and I am really excited to perform in October.. but my goodness I want to be in a working company.. HELP!!!!!
[stress stress stress stress]Tomorrow I have a meeting with Dance Works to go over the fall class schedule. I am ill prepared. It's been so long since I taught a class... I feel like I don't have the right music, that I am not going to be good... failing as a teacher is a big deal when you are working to create the artists of tomorrow!!!! I'm so nervous.. I am SO NERVOUS!!!!
I need binders, and separators, and notebook paper,(I thought I was done with buying school supplies?) and blank cds, and a new ipod because I cannot select music because of my dumb button and so can't use it for class and it doesn't hold all my music (come on its only 2,314 songs!!!) and I am going to have more music to download to use for classes and recitals and other shows and OH I DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY FOR ANY OF IT!!!! (thank you to exstream solutions for not giving me a paycheck yet... no big deal I don't only have $20 in my bank account)
okay okay maybe we should get into some positives??
ALEX GOT A JOB AT TEMPO!!! It's this little bistro on Moody Street in Waltham and I think you all should go, especially on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday because he will more than most likely be working!
He had a test run yesterday to see if he would get the job and he was nervous (he smoked a whole pack of cigarettes before 3:30.. yuck!) but he did great. I knew he would... he just never believes me... silly boyfriend!
The only downer is that now he is not going to have much free time anymore. I work weekdays until about five now a days and he'll be going to school Monday through Thursdays so we pretty much had the weekends to spend together.. now we will have small portions of the weekends to spend together.
I shouldn't complain about it, some relationships have to go very long periods of time in between seeing each other. I am blessed to only have to go 5 days in between sightings but he makes me feel so at ease and comfortable that it is one of the biggest gifts ever to just see him after a long 5 days. Good thing I like(love!!) his roommates.. the three of us will be spending more time together on weekends now!
anything else new in my life? No, I don't think so.. my car still needs new tires I cannot afford, I still drink coffee like its crack, and I'm still searching for my dream dancing job.
Speaking of.. September 10Th is the auditions for the Radio City Rockette Christmas Spectacular. Why don't I live in New York again??? All the auditions I want to go to are there... but man I love Boston way too much. I think I would have separation anxiety.
[Plymouth studios please hurry up so I do not have to move away from my beautiful home!]
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Falling Into Place
-Jennifer Anistan.
How true. I know I have been MIA the last couple of weeks... I've been slightly busy having things come together. It's strange how everything always just seems to happen at once. My life wasn't a complete mess (for once) but I feel as though the person I was two weeks ago just seems different than the person I am now. I'm more together, not worried, feeling like things are finally going my way. On the 8th something different happened. I finally through away that horrible shell I have had covering me from the male population. It's kind of weird how it happens. One minute I'm out by the fire with Fro singing songs with him as he played his guitar like we do every time we get together (we're the hired entertainment ;p ), the next minute I'm on the living room couch until 5 am talking about everything with Alex, wondering how it is I never got to know him sooner. We had been mutual friends for four years now. He went to Dean for a semester, but was part of the group of Ellington boys along with Nick and Hurley and Dan's (who I was very close friends with sophomore year) roommate for that semester and yet I never really knew him. He was just one of the guys at the yearly birthday and new years parties that I would say hey to and that was it. I'm glad I didn't put on my shell that I've had up the last year and a half... now here I am two weeks later and Alex has moved into his apartment just 40 minutes away in Mass and he's taking the train in Thursday to meet my parents.
The funny thing is that I didn't think I was going to have much in common with him, trust him, or find some sort of feelings for him. I knew who he was, I knew he hadn't had the best of reputations, I knew he was a trouble maker... I didn't know that the Alex that I remember was grown up and doing everything in his power to change all the negative thoughts about him. I'm glad I have learned that. He is amazing, and a great cook! (which is great for me because my extent to cooking is pancakes!)
Just a week later I was packing up my things and braving a 14 hour trip to North Carolina. Hogan had finally come home from the longest eight months of my life. Its so weird having a best friend who you consider your hero. He's like my Batman, all marines are... The fact that they get up every morning with one goal, bring the rest of their squad home safe, is honorable enough. spending a whole week with one of my brothers hearing of how brave he had been, all that he had done, and all that he had to face out there was inspiring and scary. I can do nothing but be thankful he is home. It was like the biggest sigh of relief. I saw him and my heart didn't seem so heavy anymore. No more waiting for a phone call, or praying that I didn't get a phone call.No more switching the channel when the news comes on in fear of seeing another lost marine, nothing... just the fullness of knowing that he is home. Amazing... I am so thankful.
MY WORK IS STARTING TO COME TOGETHER AS WELL! ILL BE ABLE TO PAY MY BILLS! HOLLER HOLLER HOLLER!!! I am now the receptionist of Exstream Software Solutions. Its not the most fun or exciting job, but I know I am going to learn a lot, and it is a great hands on experience on how to run a business considering my boss is the co-founder of the company. He also told me I would be able to work on some of the projects once I am comfortable there, go and view live web casts, watch in the creation, possibly sit in on some meetings, just be able to take everything that I want in. He's a pretty cool boss, very understanding and very sweet.. I think I am actually going to enjoy the job.
I started working on the concert piece Fracture with the Luminarium dance company. They are very new and I was very unsure of being a part of the company, but the trio I am a part of is great and I get to improv which is even better because it is one of my favorite things to do. I feel like my first rehearsal yesterday was a bit of a disaster with them... the weather was bad, it had been a long day, I was exhausted, and I really did not want to leave Alex's house (I honestly just wanted a nap!) but it was fun and it felt good to know that I am getting back into the swing of things and starting to dance again. Now if only I can start getting paid so I can get myself back into weekly ballet classes!!!
That may be it, I think! I feel like my life this summer was a bit of a mess. I had no job, I had no dance, and I was getting a little too independent for my own good. I'm ready to keep going now. I feel like I have things to look forward to. Its really weird to say but I'm definitely starting to not just feel like a big kid, but an adult. GO ME!
How true. I know I have been MIA the last couple of weeks... I've been slightly busy having things come together. It's strange how everything always just seems to happen at once. My life wasn't a complete mess (for once) but I feel as though the person I was two weeks ago just seems different than the person I am now. I'm more together, not worried, feeling like things are finally going my way. On the 8th something different happened. I finally through away that horrible shell I have had covering me from the male population. It's kind of weird how it happens. One minute I'm out by the fire with Fro singing songs with him as he played his guitar like we do every time we get together (we're the hired entertainment ;p ), the next minute I'm on the living room couch until 5 am talking about everything with Alex, wondering how it is I never got to know him sooner. We had been mutual friends for four years now. He went to Dean for a semester, but was part of the group of Ellington boys along with Nick and Hurley and Dan's (who I was very close friends with sophomore year) roommate for that semester and yet I never really knew him. He was just one of the guys at the yearly birthday and new years parties that I would say hey to and that was it. I'm glad I didn't put on my shell that I've had up the last year and a half... now here I am two weeks later and Alex has moved into his apartment just 40 minutes away in Mass and he's taking the train in Thursday to meet my parents.
The funny thing is that I didn't think I was going to have much in common with him, trust him, or find some sort of feelings for him. I knew who he was, I knew he hadn't had the best of reputations, I knew he was a trouble maker... I didn't know that the Alex that I remember was grown up and doing everything in his power to change all the negative thoughts about him. I'm glad I have learned that. He is amazing, and a great cook! (which is great for me because my extent to cooking is pancakes!)
Just a week later I was packing up my things and braving a 14 hour trip to North Carolina. Hogan had finally come home from the longest eight months of my life. Its so weird having a best friend who you consider your hero. He's like my Batman, all marines are... The fact that they get up every morning with one goal, bring the rest of their squad home safe, is honorable enough. spending a whole week with one of my brothers hearing of how brave he had been, all that he had done, and all that he had to face out there was inspiring and scary. I can do nothing but be thankful he is home. It was like the biggest sigh of relief. I saw him and my heart didn't seem so heavy anymore. No more waiting for a phone call, or praying that I didn't get a phone call.No more switching the channel when the news comes on in fear of seeing another lost marine, nothing... just the fullness of knowing that he is home. Amazing... I am so thankful.
MY WORK IS STARTING TO COME TOGETHER AS WELL! ILL BE ABLE TO PAY MY BILLS! HOLLER HOLLER HOLLER!!! I am now the receptionist of Exstream Software Solutions. Its not the most fun or exciting job, but I know I am going to learn a lot, and it is a great hands on experience on how to run a business considering my boss is the co-founder of the company. He also told me I would be able to work on some of the projects once I am comfortable there, go and view live web casts, watch in the creation, possibly sit in on some meetings, just be able to take everything that I want in. He's a pretty cool boss, very understanding and very sweet.. I think I am actually going to enjoy the job.
I started working on the concert piece Fracture with the Luminarium dance company. They are very new and I was very unsure of being a part of the company, but the trio I am a part of is great and I get to improv which is even better because it is one of my favorite things to do. I feel like my first rehearsal yesterday was a bit of a disaster with them... the weather was bad, it had been a long day, I was exhausted, and I really did not want to leave Alex's house (I honestly just wanted a nap!) but it was fun and it felt good to know that I am getting back into the swing of things and starting to dance again. Now if only I can start getting paid so I can get myself back into weekly ballet classes!!!
That may be it, I think! I feel like my life this summer was a bit of a mess. I had no job, I had no dance, and I was getting a little too independent for my own good. I'm ready to keep going now. I feel like I have things to look forward to. Its really weird to say but I'm definitely starting to not just feel like a big kid, but an adult. GO ME!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
What a Love Hate Relationship
Yes shopping.. I am talking about you!!!
This post is almost a build off of my last one, Ode to Nike Awesome-ness!
I am going to North Carolina in about ten (TEN WOOOOOOO YAYAYAYAYAY) days and needed some vacation gear. I own 3 pairs of shorts, that's it. One denim (which were pants that became too short for me so I cut) 1 gray and 1 khaki. This needed to be changed!!! How was I suppose to go down south for 6 days and not have cute shorts??? so my mum and I went shopping. I LOVE shopping.. and I HATE shopping at the same time... I guess it goes back to the whole body image thing.
I know I am not large... I am 5'6 and 145lbs. Now according to most charts the ideal "Healthy" weight for this frame is 118(way too skinny!) to 155 pounds (which I weight at one point.. UGH!) but the "Ideal" weight is 130lbs. WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 15 POUNDS LESS THAN ME? YOU'RE JOKING!! NOW.. NOW I FEEL OVERWEIGHT!
and you no what.. I shouldn't... but I do... its that sick sick sick dancer stuck inside my head saying "you don't look like a ballerina, Britteny.. you can't lift your legs because they are too heavy for you.. go to the gym!" and then the happy person in me says to the ballerina.. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" but the ballerina always seems to win I guess... because today shopping I felt FAT!!
I hate shorts, I hate them so much! no matter what they just will never fit right on me!!! they are always loose in the back of the belt but tight on the sides (why do they think that if you're bigger you are larger from belly to back and not hip to hip... hi I have abs... but I also have hips.. I am female.. thanks!) they also are just so tight on my thighs, no matter what!! I am generally between a size 6 and a size 9 (big jump I know) depending on the store and how their clothes run... but today.. today I bought 11s... and I wanted to die. I got out of the mall upset and my mom didn't understand how bad I just wanted to go home, skip dinner, and go to the gym for 3 hours straight... but alas, I was hungry =/. So I took the dog for about a mile walk came home and ate dinner and thought about going to the gym, but it just doesn't seem worth it to get in my car and drive to Bridgewater at 7:30 when the gym closes at 9:00. So here I am, sitting.
I feel like I'm going to come home from North Carolina with a gazillion new photos from me, Elly, and Nicole.. and I don't want to look back at them and feel gross about how I looked.
gah. 10 days... 10 days- 2 days of cheer camp- 2 days in CT and 2 days working at dean = at least 6 days of the gym.. COME ON BRITT YOU CAN DO IT! I just need something to feel better about myself I guess.
I think I need to watch Penelope,(I recommend you watch it, asap!) Its one of my favorite movies, and it teaches a really good lesson on loving yourself.
This post is almost a build off of my last one, Ode to Nike Awesome-ness!
I am going to North Carolina in about ten (TEN WOOOOOOO YAYAYAYAYAY) days and needed some vacation gear. I own 3 pairs of shorts, that's it. One denim (which were pants that became too short for me so I cut) 1 gray and 1 khaki. This needed to be changed!!! How was I suppose to go down south for 6 days and not have cute shorts??? so my mum and I went shopping. I LOVE shopping.. and I HATE shopping at the same time... I guess it goes back to the whole body image thing.
I know I am not large... I am 5'6 and 145lbs. Now according to most charts the ideal "Healthy" weight for this frame is 118(way too skinny!) to 155 pounds (which I weight at one point.. UGH!) but the "Ideal" weight is 130lbs. WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 15 POUNDS LESS THAN ME? YOU'RE JOKING!! NOW.. NOW I FEEL OVERWEIGHT!
and you no what.. I shouldn't... but I do... its that sick sick sick dancer stuck inside my head saying "you don't look like a ballerina, Britteny.. you can't lift your legs because they are too heavy for you.. go to the gym!" and then the happy person in me says to the ballerina.. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" but the ballerina always seems to win I guess... because today shopping I felt FAT!!
I hate shorts, I hate them so much! no matter what they just will never fit right on me!!! they are always loose in the back of the belt but tight on the sides (why do they think that if you're bigger you are larger from belly to back and not hip to hip... hi I have abs... but I also have hips.. I am female.. thanks!) they also are just so tight on my thighs, no matter what!! I am generally between a size 6 and a size 9 (big jump I know) depending on the store and how their clothes run... but today.. today I bought 11s... and I wanted to die. I got out of the mall upset and my mom didn't understand how bad I just wanted to go home, skip dinner, and go to the gym for 3 hours straight... but alas, I was hungry =/. So I took the dog for about a mile walk came home and ate dinner and thought about going to the gym, but it just doesn't seem worth it to get in my car and drive to Bridgewater at 7:30 when the gym closes at 9:00. So here I am, sitting.
I feel like I'm going to come home from North Carolina with a gazillion new photos from me, Elly, and Nicole.. and I don't want to look back at them and feel gross about how I looked.
gah. 10 days... 10 days- 2 days of cheer camp- 2 days in CT and 2 days working at dean = at least 6 days of the gym.. COME ON BRITT YOU CAN DO IT! I just need something to feel better about myself I guess.
I think I need to watch Penelope,(I recommend you watch it, asap!) Its one of my favorite movies, and it teaches a really good lesson on loving yourself.
Stop lying to yourself, idiot! You're Beautiful
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